Wow...Welcome back huh?

So a lot has been going on in my life lately. Patrick and I finally moved in together, I applied at EMH and got the job, and I..... PASSED MY NURSING TEST! I'm a nurse. Ok lets talk about these life changing events.

#1. Patrick and I had been talking about moving in for a few months now. So over the weekend I finally took that bug leap and did it. He helped me pack up my things and move to this new location. I've been commuting back and forth to Patrick's for a year now...and I think we are ready. The only problem is that I m still so nervous that things will get crazy. I am really hard to live with and I love my family and it was very hard for me to leave them. I miss my mom and dad already. I think I miss Halle a little too lol.

#2. I passed my NCLEX. As hard as it was I passed! I was so worried that all the studying and extra tutoring I did wasn't going to get me out of a paper bag! So as I walked into the strictly ran office of Pearson Vue, I thought I was going to throw up. I was instructed to place ALL of my belongings in a shifty looking locker, grabbed the locker key and emptied my pockets. I felt like I was getting a pat down in a women's prison. After all of that, I entered a room full of nervous physicians, nurses, and STNA's. I sat down, read everything word for word and pushed the oh so scary "Start Test" button. As I watched the timer count down, I wondered when I would reach the 85th question and the computer would shut off. I answered question after question putting my head down periodically and taking multiple potty breaks. Finally after I was to the point where I wanted to cry, the computer shut off and I felt like I could breathe. Instead of being relieved and happy, I was mad that the computer that once made me nervous didn't even tell me if I passed or failed. Now I was signed up for the waiting game. I called my mom and immediately began to bitch. That was an epic fail, and lead to her hanging up. I called Melissa after a much needed nap, and she told me a little secret which worked! I had passed! Now all I needed to do was wait to see my status change to ACTIVE. Friday August 19th officially declared me a Licensed Practical Nurse! WOOoo hoop

#3 After countless attempts to find a job out in Elyria I finally decided to apply at EMH. After filling out the lengthy application I was suppose to fill out a survey. Well the survey never came. So, the fighter I am, got on my phone and was determined to get that survey. I called HR and spoke with Pam Garcia, got the survey emailed to me, and got an interview the next day! Soon after, I was offered the position! I was soo excited! The only problem, how do I leave my girls? I love my nannying job. It was challanging at times, but ohh so fun. Maia and Mairin are the sweetest little girls I've ever watched. Together they interact with each other so well and have developed so much since I started. I broke the news to Lori, she was sad but accepting. I had one week off before my first day. The whole week off I spent doing things for Joe and Megan's benefit for Rich. Saturday, the day of the event rolled around and it was so huge success! Patrick and I won a Browns basket which included some awesome tickets on my birthday! I won a coffee basket with mugs and a Paula Dean percolator! Wooo hoo. So September 12th rolled around, and it was khaki's and a pink polo for me. Training day has finally come. I'm not practicing my nursing role but with time I can move up into a higher position

#4. Patrick surprised me with a new kitty! I was looking at kittens on Craigslist and we went to the Petsmart in Elyria and I found Ernie. A grey and white little kitty with an enormous amount of energy! I fell in love with him but came to realize that I love Bella so much...well Patrick decided he wanted Ernie to be a part of our family. He walked in, late, with a big purring box. Hmmm I wonder what that is. It was Ernie! He's a pain in the butt at times but he's a great addition!

SAD DAY: Saturday September 10th Oscar died.

So....

So Patrick and I tried to reconcile. I couldn't get past the hurt that was thrown at me in the past 3 months. I want someone who has time for me and who can give me attention and love. Patrick has the love part down, but I'm not sure if he's ready for life quite yet. It hurts us both to talk about things but I just think we both have to move on. He doesn't want anyone unless it's me, and I think that's quite selfish. He needs to be willing to give a great girl a chance. Why would he want to take away the joys of having a family, and getting married, and seeing his children grow up. I'm really not that great.

He gave me a list of things he loves about me, which was touching and brought a smile to my face, but only his touch can bring a true smile to my face. I just wish things went differently.

This is not what I had expected!

So my Thanksgiving wasn't all that great...actually it sucked! My boyfriend decided that our relationship wasn't important anymore and was "forced" to dump me. I had to work that day, which ruined everything I had planned for the one little girl that needed my attention that day. Once that day had ended, I had to drive to Elyria where I was asked to pick up my neatly boxed belongings. As I walked into his apartment he was standing there with tears in his eyes. All he could say was "why did you do this?"

The reason for all of this started with a disagreement between Patrick and I, which led to me talking to his sister, and his sister yelling at Steve's sister. This isn't East Cleveland, yet Brittany felt it to be necessary to "have my back." I don't know anyone who does something like that. Especially a 21 year old married mother of 2! Be a mommy and a wife and not some ghetto thugged out wigger.

Ok, so.....the once hard as stone man who was yelling at me and cursing, has mushed back into the soft, caring, loving man that I walked out of Melt with on that Sunday night. With tears in his eyes all he wanted to do was hold me and hug me. As confused as it made me, I was compelled to hug right back and rest my head on that loving inviting shoulder I once fell asleep on. I told him I was sorry and that we would get through this. I took my belongings and cried all the way to my car. Once everything was packed up, I sat in my car and cried wondering how things would have been different if I would have just talked and communicated my feelings to him. He's a very open and understanding person. When I saw all the lights go off in his house I knew there was nothing else I could do and it was just time to go home.

Today is December 6th 2010 and we have been broken up for 10 days. All of which have been painful for both of us. Everytime we talk on the phone hoping to resolve something, a new problem arises and ends with one of us mad and hanging up. NOT GOOD. I talked to Patrick last night and we decided that  we need to see each other. We miss each others touch, kisses, hugs, and the love that radiates from each others eyes when we see one and other. We are going to try and meet up tonight. Hopefully the weather will be kind and in our favor.

This may be a test from god, and if it is I'm hoping we passed and can move on and grow from our mistakes, and build a stronger relationship from the time apart. If not I will always live my life wondering could he have completed my life? Noone is perfect, we must love and accept people for their faults.

An Update

Patrick and I have broken up...not sure if it's temporary or permanent...I'm really hoping it's not but we have a lot to work on as a couple.

Bella

I feel soo bad I have a kitten that loves me but I'm never home to give her love. I have been working so much that when I get home she's all over me for attention. I wanna relax but she wants to be petted all night. I try to get home and give her attention but it's not enough. Then when I go to Patrick's I have to leave her at my parents....I'm going to take her with me this weekend. We'll see how she does at Patrick's.  I wish I had my own place and more time!

What do I look like?

So I took on a few jobs to keep me busy until I go back to school in January. They pay well, and my bills are getting paid so I thought it was a good idea. I have one lady who thinks I'm at her beck and call. She'll tell me a time, then the day before I'm suppose to be there say "so are we good for 7:30am?" Ummm no because you told me 8:00am! She knows I have a morning job and I would not ever be able to be there before then. We talked about it at the interview. I just feel like I'm the nanny bitch. I should shut up but please have courtesy to the people who watch your children. We come to you so you can shop, go out to lunch with your snooty friends, or have a "date night." We have lives and families too. I have to say tho, I have, and do work, for some great families just this one lady is killing me right now. Ok, I'm done. 


FYI: the picture is from Nanny diaries...good movie. She works for a rich bitch. LoL

My Life in a SHOEBOX

So moving back in with your parents sucks! Let me tell you, once you pull into that drive way you once used to chalk on, you realize the parties you used to have and the endless nights of being up till 4am and rolling out of bed to make it to work at 6am ARE OVER!

When the door opened and I saw my accumulated life in a UHAUL trailer I just started to cry. Not because I had so much, but because I wanted to turn around and put it all back and start over. Everything I had bought for my house and apartment was now going into storage and not going to sit nicely in my living room or kitchen. Towels that once sat neatly folded in a lined closet were now stuffed into a box. Cute rugs with matching toothbrush holders were thrown into a box marked "odds and ends." I think I cried for an entire week. It's hard seeing everything boxed up and having to pick and choose what can fit in a small bedroom. Nothing feels better than being free. Free to come home whenever and at whatever time. Free to leave your clothes on the floor, or even in the basket still! Free to make Mac and Cheese at 2am while laughing on the phone with your bestie!

I have been home now for 4 months. My mom and I have butt heads before but it was always over the phone. Now I've grown a "pair" and have to fight with her in her house. We fight about dumb stuff. The cat, my poor memory, food, sleeping patterns, jobs, school. I'm surprised she's not fighting about when I shit! This is my attempt to vent in a way other than to call people who probably wanna just hang up. People say "When life gives you lemons make lemonade?" What if the lemons are moldy? Thats my life. Make do with the situation, but it just gets worse.

I have been looking for an apartment closer to where I work. Maybe this is show my mom that yes I can afford to live on my own. I'm more than happy to move and get back on my own. It's going to come to the point where I just pick up and go. I'm 23 not 3 anymore.