So....

So Patrick and I tried to reconcile. I couldn't get past the hurt that was thrown at me in the past 3 months. I want someone who has time for me and who can give me attention and love. Patrick has the love part down, but I'm not sure if he's ready for life quite yet. It hurts us both to talk about things but I just think we both have to move on. He doesn't want anyone unless it's me, and I think that's quite selfish. He needs to be willing to give a great girl a chance. Why would he want to take away the joys of having a family, and getting married, and seeing his children grow up. I'm really not that great.

He gave me a list of things he loves about me, which was touching and brought a smile to my face, but only his touch can bring a true smile to my face. I just wish things went differently.

This is not what I had expected!

So my Thanksgiving wasn't all that great...actually it sucked! My boyfriend decided that our relationship wasn't important anymore and was "forced" to dump me. I had to work that day, which ruined everything I had planned for the one little girl that needed my attention that day. Once that day had ended, I had to drive to Elyria where I was asked to pick up my neatly boxed belongings. As I walked into his apartment he was standing there with tears in his eyes. All he could say was "why did you do this?"

The reason for all of this started with a disagreement between Patrick and I, which led to me talking to his sister, and his sister yelling at Steve's sister. This isn't East Cleveland, yet Brittany felt it to be necessary to "have my back." I don't know anyone who does something like that. Especially a 21 year old married mother of 2! Be a mommy and a wife and not some ghetto thugged out wigger.

Ok, so.....the once hard as stone man who was yelling at me and cursing, has mushed back into the soft, caring, loving man that I walked out of Melt with on that Sunday night. With tears in his eyes all he wanted to do was hold me and hug me. As confused as it made me, I was compelled to hug right back and rest my head on that loving inviting shoulder I once fell asleep on. I told him I was sorry and that we would get through this. I took my belongings and cried all the way to my car. Once everything was packed up, I sat in my car and cried wondering how things would have been different if I would have just talked and communicated my feelings to him. He's a very open and understanding person. When I saw all the lights go off in his house I knew there was nothing else I could do and it was just time to go home.

Today is December 6th 2010 and we have been broken up for 10 days. All of which have been painful for both of us. Everytime we talk on the phone hoping to resolve something, a new problem arises and ends with one of us mad and hanging up. NOT GOOD. I talked to Patrick last night and we decided that  we need to see each other. We miss each others touch, kisses, hugs, and the love that radiates from each others eyes when we see one and other. We are going to try and meet up tonight. Hopefully the weather will be kind and in our favor.

This may be a test from god, and if it is I'm hoping we passed and can move on and grow from our mistakes, and build a stronger relationship from the time apart. If not I will always live my life wondering could he have completed my life? Noone is perfect, we must love and accept people for their faults.

An Update

Patrick and I have broken up...not sure if it's temporary or permanent...I'm really hoping it's not but we have a lot to work on as a couple.